Brain Food for Pioneering Spirits: We have an insight — now what? Not every insight leads us into action, so what actually gets us moving? That’s the question we explore in Room #834 of the Deep Talk Club, under our overarching theme of “Insight (and gaining it).” Listen in on the examples that came up and the perspectives that emerged in dialogue…
Note: This session was recorded live in German as part of the Deep Talk Club, so the video above is German-language audio only. What follows is an English translation of the conversation, lightly edited for readability — the back-and-forth between the moderator and participants is preserved, but the original timestamps and speaker names have been left out.
A wonderful good morning to you all together, and I’m really looking forward to today’s room. We’re continuing under the umbrella of insight and gaining insight, and today we want to look at insight and now what. We’ve gathered a lot of aspects over the last days and weeks about how insight gets generated and so on. Now we want to go a step further. We have an insight, and now what? What actually happens next? Not every insight leads to us actually getting into motion. So I’m really curious about your examples too. What do you think makes the difference between getting into motion or not getting into motion? And how do we handle different things at that point? What gets us into action, or doesn’t? Insight alone doesn’t seem to be enough on its own. So today I’d like to turn our attention to this together with you. We already touched on the aspect of motivation yesterday, and looked at moving-away-from versus moving-toward, and we can pick that up nicely today to continue. So, as every morning, you’re warmly invited to join and share your first impulses, thoughts, and experiences. And with that, another reminder that the room is being recorded. Whoever joins automatically agrees that it will be published accordingly. We also have three small room rules: a profile photo where you’re clearly recognizable, your first and last name, and at least one sentence in your bio. Anyone who, for whatever reason, doesn’t want to do that is welcome to use the chat to bring in contributions, questions, or anything else, on a factual level, and we can pick up on that too. And with that, I’d like to take the first comment, and I’m very curious. Dear Layla, a wonderful good morning. What do you say about the topic?
A wonderful good morning. Well, my insight is that I sound a bit echoey today, because I can’t find my other headphones. But that hasn’t led to me putting them where they’re actually supposed to go by now. Because being organized has nothing to do with being better or worse than other people. It just means everything has a place. And that place isn’t the floor — every object has its home. I gained that insight a long time ago. I’ve read a lot of books about it, Yasemin. And yet this still happened to me. And actually I’d be the type to now put myself through a mental boot camp, telling myself, how could you, you were so looking forward to being here with Yasemin, you had no time all week because you were chairing exams, because there was class, and now this again. And my insight now is that I have the most success by being gentle with myself. That’s why I’m glad Sonja is here, glad to simply be here. And I’m hopeful — well, not pregnant-hopeful, that would be a different kind of hopeful, but I’m confident that I’ll find the headphones eventually, and I think that’s a bit of the trick for me with insights — that understanding something, recognizing something, and drawing an insight from it that doesn’t end in self-sabotage has a lot to do with being gentle and encouraging with yourself, and with others being that way with you too, because I think that’s a helping hand, and you can extend that hand to yourself too. Good morning, Sonja and Yasemin. I hope I haven’t talked too long.
Thank you so much. And what’s fascinating is that we’re immediately right in the middle of judgments here too. And depending on how that judgment turns out, it can lead to a corresponding action, or inaction. So I find this example really fascinating. And personally, I can only say — and this is just my very personal view — being organized is absolutely overrated, isn’t it? Question mark. And with that, I’ll gladly hand over to Sonja. A wonderful good morning again.
A wonderful good morning, dear all. Well, if Clubhouse already puts me on stage right at the start, then maybe that’s the insight that I’m supposed to contribute something today too. At least I’ll try to interpret it that way. And when you’re talking about being organized, and I look around my room in my shared flat and know that I’m moving in two days, then I know I’ve still got a bit to do. That’s an insight too. But now, on the topic — how do you actually manage to get into doing after gaining an insight, or after gaining insight? I have to confess, and I want to confess this here quite publicly, with the recording running, that this is my absolute weak point — getting into doing after an insight. And that’s why, especially over the last few weeks and months, I’ve looked much more closely at what actually stops me from implementing things, and what helps me get into implementation. And since it’s much more interesting to look at what helps you get into implementation, I’ll focus on that point. What I’ve observed for myself, at least for professional things, is that it helps me enormously when I team up with others and we distribute tasks — when I’m obligated, or have committed myself, to deliver something by a certain date. That helps me enormously to actually turn insight into something real. Whereas if I arrive at an insight alone and try to implement everything completely by myself, then I happily let myself get distracted by good conversations, housework, or exercise. And that’s why I specifically look for partners to work on a topic with, whenever something is important to me, and then I like to distribute tasks or tell myself, hey, I’ll get this done by such and such a date, and if I haven’t, please remind me every day until it bothers me enough that I finally do it. So that’s my trick.
Wonderful, thank you so much. There were already a lot of aspects in there. On one hand, quite consciously setting a deadline. Then we have the aspect of accountability, meaning share it with others and have it tracked — going into communication, to some extent, to put yourself under obligation and to support yourself in turning it into implementation, because you know there’s a deadline behind it and you’ve communicated it externally, not just to yourself. Then you also brought up the aspect of distractions. I find that really interesting too, because here too we have the opportunity to look at what things we like to let ourselves get distracted by, and possibly, at one point or another, to consciously counteract that — setting aside times when we can switch off or turn off those distractions. Especially when it’s something like emails flooding in, or a notification I regularly get when new WhatsApp messages arrive, or something similar — maybe switching to airplane mode or something like that. There are so many, many ways to deal with that. That doesn’t mean we’re unreachable all day long, but at least during a certain phase when we want to work on certain tasks, to quite deliberately switch off those elements that pull us into that unwanted distraction. Sometimes we quite like letting ourselves get distracted too. And there we can look again, why do we even want to get distracted in the first place? I find that a really interesting question too, because there are certain things where we quite consciously or unconsciously look for ways to slip into distraction, and maybe even use that as an excuse or something. Maybe it feels good, maybe the task we’ve set ourselves isn’t attractive enough, which leads me to try to find ways to dodge it for that reason and so on. So there are a lot of angles we can shine a light on here. And now I’m curious — Layla, Sonja, would you like to add to that? Go ahead, Sonja.
Yes, tasks that aren’t attractive enough — I know that very, very well. There are some things that just have to be done but are pretty tedious. So they’re possible, I can do them, but every time I notice that starting is really hard for me. Keyword: taxes. I really don’t enjoy doing my taxes, but it’s important to do it regularly. And once I’m actually in it, I get into a flow, and that’s totally fine. But that initial energy, that’s really difficult. And what I’ve done to help myself with that is try to lower the activation energy a little — to make it easier for myself to actually take that step, by creating a proper environment beforehand. For taxes, that’s very important to me, because it’s structural work. And it helps me if I find a bit of structure on the outside too — having a tidy desk, having space to put my folders. If I’ve already labeled my insert sheets beforehand, then I’ve already created a basic structure with things that are very light in terms of effort, and that makes the next step — really diving in, gathering receipts — a bit easier. But it takes quite a bit of discipline, and without that conscious groundwork, without consciously figuring out what makes it a bit easier for me, I really do put it off for far too long. So I always have to be active and conscious about it, otherwise nothing happens at all. Layla is flashing already.
Yes, wonderful, Layla. Well, the first good news is I found the headphones. Second, bad news: my battery wasn’t charged, because I forgot to do that — I usually do it every evening, this time not. Back in the day, centuries ago, when people used to carve their insights into stone tablets, that’s how I would have done it — and there’s my mental boot camp starting up again. I listened to Sonja very closely just now and thought, whoa, deadline, ooh, I don’t even like the word “dead” in that word. And then I thought, okay, so what’s the good thing about it? The good thing is, I have Bluetooth headphones. So I can charge my phone and talk to you all at the same time. Yay! I can be happy now that I have the headphones, once I’ve put them somewhere I can actually find them again. I’m looking right now… yes, that’s the case. Procrastination — Sonja, you can hand that title back to me anytime. I consider myself the king, or queen, of procrastination. And I have to say, it’s a bit — how should I put it — what you just said, with those techniques. I quite like double-body-work. It’s enough for me if someone’s just in the room. If someone’s simply there and I can work. That actually has to do with my ADHD diagnosis. I’m sure that applies to other people too, but for me it works really well — I know that from psychologists and the audiobooks I’ve listened to. And that’s my insight. I’ve understood myself better. Things I used to wonder about — why do these work, and why do people say to me, well, but that should work that way too? Or that thing with the tidy desk that Sonja mentioned — I get so busy tidying the desk that then this thought comes up, then that thought comes up. My working memory doesn’t function properly. That’s not an excuse, that’s a fact. And, well, I like doing things I enjoy. And I don’t enjoy tidying up. But I do like things to look nice. So in the end, everything’s done. And that’s when it’s important, and this is what you said, and Yasemin also said this, that you tell someone. And that’s lovely. But I think this inner pressure should be more motivating and positive. Not, when does it bother me enough, but when is it important enough to me that I do it? When is the motivation there? And not somehow shaming yourself or saying, ugh, everyone else can manage this, why can’t I, what’s wrong with me — but really this, how do I function, and what do I need. And personally I need loving motivation, this feeling that someone believes in me. And I’ve noticed, it’s good when I believe in myself too. That’s probably the best solution for me personally. I don’t know how it is for other people. Because then we’re in this self-love that isn’t self-centered. And I want to get out of that, I want to be my own friend. And I think this importance, why am I doing something — very often it’s enough for someone to pat me on the shoulder. That sounds really silly now, there’s always this thing about self-praise stinking. No, but I like it. And I have a problem patting myself on the shoulder. And I still do it now, because I think it’s simply good to know that you’re doing things well. It’s good to know how you function, and it’s good to know what motivates you. And if you don’t go into this “my words are so important, please carve them into stone tablets right now” mode, then I think something nice has been achieved. And so, being gentle with yourself. And yes, I’m just happy right now. I’m glad to be with you all. I’m glad about the headphones. I’m glad my phone is charging now. And so, yes, those are my insights. Thanks for listening.
Thank you so much. I’d like to pick up on two points, one being the previous point Sonja brought up — this aspect of creating your environment. I find that really interesting. Have you thought about it? We’ve talked a lot about the senses and things like that, and noticed that they play a big role for us — this experiencing, so to speak. And especially when we talk about tasks we don’t enjoy doing — what speaks against creating an environment where I feel comfortable, question mark, not just through aspects like tidiness or making space, but quite deliberately, I don’t know, working with scents, or setting out a nice fruit plate, or maybe putting on some music I like. And we probably know this, especially in this time when so much has been done digitally and from the home office — it makes a huge difference whether we sit at the computer in sweatpants attending meetings, or whether we still dress up as if we were leaving the house, and create that environment. So there are so, so many possibilities here for what we can create or design ourselves, to create a good atmosphere. And that could even be a little glass of wine or something. That’s certainly conceivable too, depending on when these tasks are done and how that fits in for you, or something else you enjoy drinking — could be some kind of fruit drink or anything else. So there are, I think, so, so many possibilities here. Often we don’t necessarily use these possibilities. So raising awareness of that is one thing I wanted to pick up on. And the second thing I want to bring up again is — and this phrase has come up quite often recently — Layla, you said, I’m the king or queen of procrastination. And I want to raise awareness there too. It’s not really about that sentence, or that it came from you and has been said several times, but simply that language plays a role here too. We’ve talked about this often already — pay attention to the sentences you use. How do you handle certain expressions in certain contexts? The moment I say “I am dot, dot, dot,” whatever that is, it’s an identification, an attribution. And the more often I repeat that sentence, the more the whole thing turns into a belief. And then it gets reinforced through whatever experiences I have, where I then say, aha, there it is again, so I can repeat my sentence again. And out of these beliefs, so-called belief molecules eventually form. That’s a really, really fascinating aspect. A difference, just to make the distinction clear — if I say I like, for example, a tidy environment, versus if I say I am XYZ, messy, tidy, or whatever. So worth thinking about here too, to what extent language plays a role in certain things you like doing or don’t like doing. And we had that story from Marc too, with the dentist — I don’t like going to the doctor, dentist was the phrase used. Worth looking at here too, and how a reframing can actually succeed, to break apart and dissolve beliefs, for example. I saw that Sonja also wanted to add something, so I’d like to switch to Sonja, and then afterward I’d like to bring Marc in too.
Yes, gladly, thank you. What you said was really fascinating too, but let me first respond to what I wanted to pick up from Layla, namely this “I need someone who believes in me.” That’s something that really touched me, because I believe every person needs at least one other person who believes in them, and that it’s not enough to just be that for yourself. But if we look attentively around our environment, we’ll always find someone who believes in us. It doesn’t have to be someone in a very, very close circle, but there’s always someone who can affirm us in something we’re good at and say, hey, you’re really good at that. And if we need that kind of attention, then I’d recommend contacting exactly that person and getting it, so you hear it again, so you don’t just know the person believes in you, but really internalize it, hear it, and can then repeat it to yourself too. And I know very well that I can work better when someone is nearby. That’s why it was easier for me to move into a shared flat than to find myself an apartment alone, because the background presence of other people just does me good. Just knowing someone would be there. And that’s what you said too, Layla, that it’s easier for you to work in that kind of environment, or that you can concentrate a bit better. And it’s exactly the same for me. I do close my door, but I know someone’s there, and that simply does me good. And once we know that, we can go looking for environments like that. And what also helps me a lot is that when I need to concentrate but my mode isn’t quite set to “wow, I’m super focused,” I try to support myself with external factors, like orange oil, which is supposed to help boost concentration, or Neurobeats, which I look up on YouTube, and which help stimulate my brainwaves a bit, so I activate exactly the areas I need for concentration. And that usually helps quite well. I’d be lying if I said I’m then super, super focused when I wasn’t before at all. But what’s definitely an effect is that it’s easier for me to get into things. And once I’m in, I’m in flow anyway, and then I don’t need the external factors anymore. It’s basically like a set of jumper cables.
Thank you so much, Marc. A wonderful good morning.
Good morning to the group. I’d like to pick up on what you said, dear Yasemin. And I find it really wonderful that you said that — how do we talk to ourselves? And I have another example for that. Our brain, or my brain, loves finding ways out and other doors, and I notice that in other people too. And how we talk to ourselves can happen in this case too. We all know, for example, or agree, that smoking is unhealthy. And I don’t smoke, thank god. But when you talk to people who smoke, or drink, or do something else, and you maybe say, hey, smoking is unhealthy, then I always smile a little when the response comes, but Aunt Anna smoked too, and she lived to 90. So if Aunt Anna lived to 90 while smoking, then maybe there’s something to it, that it’s not so unhealthy after all, and then I do it too. And in that same vein, I want to bring an example of why we don’t do what we should, because of course our brain also works with reward systems, and one reward system for me is chocolate. And when I’m sitting in front of the TV in the evening, I always crave a piece of chocolate. And I notice that I often can’t resist that temptation, even though I know that too much chocolate is unhealthy. But since I’ve observed myself and know that I’m too lazy to go too far out of my way for that chocolate, I now always keep chocolate at home, but I’ve built in another obstacle for myself, so it’s harder to get to that chocolate. It’s like a little nest egg, so to speak. I have an emergency reserve that’s in my car, in the underground garage. There’s always a bar of chocolate there. And when I crave chocolate in the evening, I ask myself, are you really ready to put your shoes on, go downstairs, and bring the chocolate up? Is it that important to you? No, it’s not that important. So I go to the fridge instead and grab something else instead of the chocolate.
Yes, really fascinating, thank you so much. And yes, I think that’s the thing — I don’t think that would work for me personally, dear Marc, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for you. And that’s why it’s really important that we actually try out different things, or find solutions that are specifically suited to us. That means what works for one person can be different for another, and that’s totally fine. I’d like to pick up on another aspect from the chat too, and connect with that, before switching back to Sonja. We have another comment here: believing conditionally hoping for positive improvement, or the maintaining of the positive. That’s why negative sentences are more like brake sentences. Naming them clearly like that might make it easier to detach from them, rather than manifesting them as a belief and thereby reinforcing your own negativity. And to add to that, I’d like to bring in another point — positive beliefs shouldn’t be underestimated either, or just filed away as “that’s positive.” A belief is first of all just a belief, and whether it’s a positive or negative belief has a lot to do with context, and we mustn’t forget that here. Let me give an example. A positive belief could be, say, evaluated positively, “I’m an absolute team player.” And this “I’m an absolute team player” seems at first to be a totally positive belief, but depending on the context, it can turn into a negative belief that then stops us from doing certain things. Namely, when we don’t have a team to work with, and in that situation we have the feeling, I’m not getting anywhere right now, or I’m avoiding the task, or whatever, simply because it’s easier for me to work with other people. That means, whenever the people I could brainstorm with, or whatever, to work on this task are missing, it suddenly becomes hard for me to get into action. And recognizing first that beliefs aren’t necessarily positive or negative per se — that’s already an evaluation we make — but that they’re context-dependent. That means a belief that can be positive in one context might be negative in another. And that’s why it’s really important to look more closely here, and not just talk about negative or positive beliefs per se, but look at which contexts it’s helpful or hindering for me. Go ahead, Sonja.
You’re touching on a really, really important point, and especially with these sentences we tell ourselves, I have another aspect I’d like to bring into the round — the emphasis, how we internally phrase these sentences. We often just talk about these sentences without paying any attention to how we emphasize them. Do we drop our voice, or raise it at the end of the sentence? And that has an enormous influence on how credible we actually find these sentences. Our subconscious notices that difference very, very concretely. If I want to internalize a sentence more strongly, and that sentence is supposed to move me toward a certain strength or a certain direction, then it’s also important that I formulate that sentence very smoothly, confidently, and credibly. And that’s why I really like to say these sentences out loud and listen to myself in a way that lets me check — would I buy that from someone else? Would I find that authentic, or is that a learned sentence that’s just being recited, but the person behind it doesn’t really stand behind it? And I train that until the sentence really comes from deep inside. And this kind of training alone helps me find sentences that suit me well, that suit my plans. And through that, self-regulation can really, really be controlled well.
Thank you so much. I saw that Marc wanted to speak too, and then Layla afterward, please.
I want to thank you again for your contribution, dear Yasemin, about the team, and I come back again to how we talk to ourselves, and I’ll bring in the word honesty. If we ask ourselves other questions, or are completely honest with ourselves, is it an excuse — and also ask the question, in this case, for example, with taxes, what Sonja said — if I don’t do this tax return now, what does that cost me? Either a penalty, or I don’t get money back. Am I willing to accept that, can I afford that? If we ask ourselves different questions, we arrive at different answers. I also have to learn to ask myself that question, because sometimes it’s just more convenient not to ask it. Just like with this team thing — if I’m supposed to do something and my team isn’t there, I already have, so to speak, an excuse for my brain not to do it. Explanation: there’s no team. The honest question is, can this really just be left undone? What happens then in the business model — do my customers have to wait longer, what impression does that give, and so on. And there we are again, at how we talk to ourselves, and what questions we ask ourselves when we’re alone. And we always say we should be honest — that crossed my mind yesterday too. We always tell children, you shouldn’t lie. And I catch myself often trying to lie to myself. And when I see that, I laugh, and I can react differently.
Yes, I find that aspect you’re raising really fascinating. Because here too, we’ve often talked about, what’s the actual price I pay? And we can connect that question with a lot of, lot of topics, whether it’s an investment in further training, or anything else, a service I might want to hire, or a product I want to buy, or something similar. And not just looking at the price, for example monetarily, but really going into this reframing and asking yourself the question, what does it cost me not to do this, or not to buy this, or not to invest in this. And I find that so fascinating, because I actually had another aha-moment yesterday evening. Really fascinating. I’ve been looking for a long time for a way to get a look behind the scenes at Alex Fischer’s operation. But I didn’t want to book something straight away that costs, I don’t know, tens of thousands of euros — I was just curious and wanted to know, to get a feel for it. What exactly do they do there? Is it really so different? I don’t do my own taxes, my tax advisor mainly handles that. Of course we exchange ideas very intensively, and I get to ask him lots of great questions to get the corresponding answers. We already do all of that. And yet I have the feeling there’s still a lot of room to improve. And now it finally happened — after being on the newsletter list for a long time and so on — that I got an invitation to a free webinar, and of course I made time for it immediately, because I’d been waiting for this opportunity for a long time. And yes, I found it really fascinating, and gaining those insights was really fascinating too, because it led to an insight for me. It ties into this direction of, what’s the price you pay, so to speak, for not doing your own taxes, or not loving it, so to speak. And I found it so touching, at that point, with how — it was fascinating, the know-how behind it, and how they presented it. Everyone can judge that however they like, of course, that’s up to each person. But I found it really impressive, on one hand this expertise that completely convinced me, and on the other hand this feeling they conveyed, that basically there are a few core traits, and once you’ve understood these basic building blocks and understood the logic behind them, you can actually do quite a lot yourself, and it’s important not to hand this responsibility off entirely, and I found that amazing. So that means we have this opportunity everywhere, to really go in with different questions, like, what’s the price I’m paying for this, or have paid in the past. And I’m pretty sure I’ve paid a price for it, and quite fascinatingly, I’ve also got my tax advisor on board with me — we’d already talked about it before, he’d already said he was really curious too, and if I ever got the chance, I should definitely let him know. And I did that yesterday evening, and he joined too, and I’m already looking forward to comparing notes — how did he experience it, and how did I experience it. So I’m really curious about that too, and I’ll keep you posted. I think, Layla, you wanted to add something, and then Sonja, did you also want to?
Gladly, okay, Layla. I just wanted to quickly say, I’m doing this with my actual headphones now, the sound quality’s better. Why is it good to follow the Deep Talk Club, and why is it good to come up on stage here too? Well, I’m actually a good example right now, because I just got a free coaching session. Language creates reality, language also creates beliefs, and reality gets created through language afterward. Yasemin just said to me, I’ve said that quite often, and it’s true, and she didn’t go into judgment at all, and said, well, think about it, let that sink in. The funny thing is, I’m actually an advocate for this too, when words become important again. And now we’re on the topic of insight. I have this insight — we don’t fall into some kind of competency-ranking here at the top either, everyone up here is competent, so follow all the speakers on stage, including Sabine, who’s just joined. That’s really worth it, because, so what does that mean now? I already knew before that language creates reality. But I’ve now reflected on myself again, and I noticed, yes, and as much as you know that, and as smart as you are, dear Layla, you still repeat that sentence quite often. And I thought, yes, and that creates my reality. That’s why I want to say, I’m reliable, I’m funny, and yes, I’m interested in importance. Because that’s what I thought about, Yasemin, when you said that, and I also listened closely to Marc, who talked about that chocolate box he apparently keeps in his garage. And I thought, yes, and I’ve talked to a lot of people about this, and they’ve said to me, yes, but then you’re tricking yourself, and you should just use your reason, we rational beings. But everyone’s different. And Yasemin, for you that might not be the case. But I’d use that trick too, in the sense that I wouldn’t chastise myself anymore and tell myself, everyone else can do it, only I can’t. No, I just function this way. I have to arrange things the way that works for me. And I gained another insight from that too, because I thought, okay, and that’s fine. It’s fine that I then think about, what do I actually want to do now? Do I want to put my shoes on? Do I want to go there? I don’t have any sweets at home, for example, so I’d have to go to my trusted supermarket. I make it really hard for myself, because otherwise I really would just go and probably do it. Yasemin, what I thought about, and I find this really good, is that, for example, I — no, not I am, I like fashion, and I’ve learned that I also like just looking at fashion. That means things I want, I can now just look at, and don’t have to buy them right away. Because just imagining getting them can already feel great. If I think, this would look amazing. And that’s really lovely. And that’s why I noticed, you said, what price would you pay for that? And that’s negatively connoted for me personally. What price would I pay for that? What have I already paid for it? Then I’m immediately in self-sabotage and self-flagellation. Maybe that’s different for you. And that’s why I wouldn’t ask myself what price I’d pay for it, but I’d flip it around for myself. What would I gain from it? What would be the advantage for me? What’s my benefit? And then it would work for me personally. And that’s fine too, I’ve noticed that too. We all function differently. And there’s no better or worse in that. But we should find out how we function, because then we can really, from our insights, not just have experiences, but truly make the most of them. That would be really lovely.
Yes, wonderful, thank you so much, and let me pick right up on that too. We talked yesterday about how, in principle, there are two motivations for change — moving away from, and moving toward. And since we’re emotional beings, this moving-toward, especially when it’s something preventive, doesn’t always work reliably. When we’re in love, it works wonderfully. But when it’s something preventive, like it would be good if I did this or that, so to speak — meaning rationally we know it’s good, but we still don’t get into action. And that’s exactly what marketing works with so strongly. And we’ve noticed this a lot over the last two, three years with Covid too, what fear can trigger. And that leads to movement, so to speak — it’s sometimes a bit annoying, so to speak, that it’s often just so much easier to get into action out of suffering. But actually, if I ask myself the question — not in the sense of self-sabotage, but building up awareness of the pressure, what price have I already paid for this, so to speak — not to reproach myself, in the sense of, how silly are you that you haven’t done this already, but really in the sense of a neutral assessment of the loss I’ve suffered, for example monetarily, and what I could have done with that instead — and to draw a bit of drive from that, to say, and that’s why I want to change this now. And suddenly taxes aren’t so negatively connoted anymore, since we just had the tax example, let me pick that back up, and suddenly I have a completely different feeling about it. And here, through this reframing, so to speak, influencing the emotion too. So you can work with different levers here, depending on what works better for you. And I think you can really just try things out here. And maybe that’s context-dependent too — sometimes this, sometimes that. Depending on what the context is, one or the other might work better, either getting into action through moving away from, or through moving toward with joy. And I wouldn’t want to exclusively favor either one, but rather let both apply here. Sonja, you wanted to add something. Then we’ll bring Sabine in. And I saw Marc had also raised his hand again.
Yes, with the chocolate example — it doesn’t actually matter which product it is, or whether it’s some substance that’s harmful to health. The moment we find activities or measures to make it harder to get to something, and we’re still willing to put in that energy, it makes us aware of how important that thing is to us. And that’s an insight we can gain from that — how often are we willing to invest a lot of energy to achieve XY? And that helps us get to know ourselves much better too. And with that, whether it’s chocolate or alcohol, we can recognize how important it is, what status it has in our life, and can counteract accordingly, and also expose self-deceptions. If we suddenly notice, yes, I don’t have any problem with that at all, but I put in so much energy every time to go get a bottle of wine or something from the supermarket, and even get in the car for it, then that would already be a reason where we can say, hey, I could pay a bit more attention here and observe this behavior. And I wanted to say a second point too, that’s something completely different, I’ve forgotten it, let’s let the other two speak first, and if I think it still fits and it comes back to me, I’ll mention it. Oh, now it’s come back to me. You can also, at the moment when you think up measures to make something harder or easier for yourself and notice it hasn’t worked, that you’ve tricked yourself, you can turn it into a game — think up something so you don’t trick yourself anymore, and basically challenge yourself with it. Of course that brings a lot more joy into it, and doesn’t have this thought in the foreground of, I can’t do it, everyone else can, why can’t I manage it? And that way you can come up with something for yourself, until you manage to actually pull it off, and then you get double the fun — once from figuring out the complication, and once from the solution. Okay, now I’ve said everything. Thank you.
Thank you so much. Sabine, a wonderful good morning.
Yes, so many interesting topics. I have to jump in on the chocolate thing again, because I had exactly the same problems, and probably still do. But I went to the “Life and Energy” seminar, and they told me how bad sweets are and how bad nutrition is, meaning the wrong diet, and how little exercise, and so on. I jog regularly now, and that’s already had its effect, I really feel good, and it’s the same with chocolate. Marc, what I do, for example, is share a truffle with my husband. In the past I probably would have eaten two or three, but I find that if I eat half, that’s fine too. And what else I often do — I got this from the kids — dark chocolate is so much better than milk chocolate. We only buy dark chocolate now, you have to check the nutrition facts on the back, and ideally with a nut inside, because nuts are good, chocolate isn’t so good. So really I do have my nut with chocolate every evening, but it stays at just one. They’re not in the living room anymore, of course, they’re kept in the study now. So I first have to get up, go upstairs, and get it. So that’s worked out pretty well actually. But that wasn’t the point — I wanted to say something about insights, because I’ve gathered some insights over the last two days. They came from outside. My son got a quarterly report from school. It might be interesting for you too. The Canadian school gives parents an online update every quarter on how the kids are doing. There are grades, they’re in percentages, but if it says 92 percent, that’s a statement of where he stands. But there’s also a little text everywhere — “Philip, you’ve done this great, you could do this better,” and so on. And that’s so lovely. And that brings you as a parent very, very close to the school. Of course they also offer video calls with the teacher, but I didn’t want to do that since my son is just an exchange student anyway. But I thought it was a really great thing. And as a parent, it also always states how often he’s been late and how often he’s been absent. So it’s not that you have to come in for a meeting because someone did something wrong — you’re in constant exchange instead. I found that really great. That was one insight. And this morning my son sent me a podcast, an interview with his host father about volunteering. And I found that really great, because he’s actually been raised with that from a young age, and he passes it on to his students. He even mentioned my son in the podcast. And I find it really wonderful, seeing that he’s just gone through a change of host family, what different worlds that involves. He didn’t say anything colossally new, but I think he just brings it in. And I now have this feeling, my son is there because he wants to do a good deed, and he’s passing that on too. So those are all wonderful things. I also wanted to say something quick about Alex Fischer, because I had Alex Fischer’s “Richer Than the Joneses” as pretty much my first book in that direction, and also my first webinars in that direction. I’ve had my husband, as a tax advisor, join too — we were recently in a webinar again, because once you’re on the list, you keep getting invitations. And he said, what he says is all correct. The question is always whether you actually want to walk that path. And what I’ve noticed lately — Alex Fischer has always focused on taxes and real estate, and it’s in his book too, if you don’t have money for your first property, you’ll definitely find someone, I think he’s got an uncle or aunt who lent him a bit. You always find someone who’ll lend you something, and that’s how you get into leveraging. But what I’ve noticed lately is that big speakers talk so much about finances, but usually don’t have the actual know-how themselves, though they do have the database and the customers. So they bring someone in who covers that topic. Evocation, for example, is a real estate platform too, very good, but they scale it up a lot — they recruit dentists and so on to say, hey, look in this direction. What do they have now? They’ve got, I think his name is Martin, the best tax advisor in Germany. He’s now building tax models around real estate, mostly with an asset-management GmbH and so on. So what I just want to say is, we’re on the side of having as many customers as possible, and then bringing in a specialist, so I already have the audience. Good approach.
Yes, great, thank you so much. Marc?
First I wanted to quickly apologize, I didn’t notice my mic was accidentally on. And now I wanted to tell you all something — the topic is, why don’t we do what we’re supposed to. And I want to go back to our happiness expert, and I’ve copied this trick from him — on one hand, happiness, which we already covered, that small things make us happy, but also small things that get done also make us happy and move us forward. And I’ve now set up, in my phone, in my daily calendar for this year, I like the English term “getting things done,” and I abbreviate it “GTD,” and every evening when I close out the day, always at 8pm, under the heading “GTD” I try to enter something I did that day that I otherwise wouldn’t have done. And these aren’t big things. It’s like, “I finally want to change the winter tires,” “I finally want to get the tax return out of the way.” It could also just be things like, I want to have moved for 30 minutes today. And it’s incredibly fun to think about it in the evening — hey, what did you do today? Because that also trains my brain, just like with finding happiness, that hey, great, I accomplished a little thing, and it’s not running a marathon, but I managed to move for ten minutes today. And that helps me get things done, and check every day, what did you put off today, what could you start today, and it really is a feeling of happiness when you tick something off, get something else off the desk, get something done.
Yes, wonderful, thank you so much, and I’ve adopted a phrase from one of my coaches too — “just one more.” Think about it — every day, whenever you have the feeling, okay I’m done, I’m finished, that instead you — and it’s not about the size, it can be a really tiny little thing — add one more thing on top. And if you really do that every day, that’s 365 more activities, so to speak, per year that you otherwise wouldn’t have done. Layla, you wanted to add something, then Sabine, and then we’ll move into the closing round.
Yes, well, I’ll pick right up on you both, because I think what you said is important. In that context, I can really recommend, you’ve probably all read it already, the 1% method — that you really do that one percent more, because eventually that adds up to 100 percent, if I do it every day. And these really are small things. So, I don’t take the elevator, for example. I get off one stop earlier and walk the rest. And that feels like such a small thing, because of course you’d love to change the world — well, many of us, some of us, everyone please consider themselves individually. And I’ve noticed for myself that it does have an effect. And since the human memory, Yasemin, you’re more into brain research, might not retain that so well, I’m also a big fan of — there are so many notebooks out there, just get yourself one, because writing is an activity, it engages hand, heart, and head, I once heard, or head, hand, and heart, then it’s more direct, more sustainable, and we can look back at it, maybe even in our darker moments. And I really mean that seriously, so write it down. For example, I ironed yesterday — no, the day before — I had exam duty, and I always end up ironing at the last minute because I don’t like ironing. And then I ironed two shirts, and I saw, wow, when I iron this, it actually looks really nice. And now I have two ironed blouses, and that’s lovely. I know I have several blouses, but now I have two ironed ones. And yes, it’s worth it, and I write that down too. So I’m a fan of that. And what I wanted to say about that point is actually about this extra mile. We’ve often heard, you have to go the extra mile. And then we quickly get to the point where, under certain circumstances, when someone says jump, we ask how high. And personally I’m not a fan of that, even though I’ve really taken to heart, in a positive sense, what you said, Yasemin, about moving-toward and moving-away-from. But I really believe — and this isn’t just a saying, I really consider this free coaching here, because you’re worth every penny, and the tip is really, really good — because it has to do with me and my beliefs. I like doing the moving-toward things. But sometimes it’s okay to do this moving-away-from thing too, as long as you don’t punish yourself for it, as long as you don’t go into self-flagellation, and you can look at it neutrally too. And Sabine, I wanted to say to you, look, you know, what you told us — you get so many report cards and verbal comments and so on in elementary school. I always loved it when I got a comment from my teacher, and it was always too short for me. That’s why, in the past, sometimes my essay was shorter than my comment on it. And then I noticed, they might not even be reading it under certain circumstances. Nowadays even my ten-year-olds still get stickers from me, because, well, kids like that kind of thing. I did that too. And even when they say they don’t care, they still like it anyway. And a small example about “I am” — let me dare to say, I am a good teacher. And why am I a good teacher? Because this week I called a father and told him that his son had really improved his behavior, that what we’d talked about had an effect. And I think that’s the point — this feedback, we’re all, and we can include ourselves as adults here too, we’re all interested in feedback, we’re a “zoon politikon” after all, we’re shaped by society, and we’re used to often getting negative feedback. In the Swabian dialect, “not bad” is already praise. And it’s also good to give the positive. That doesn’t mean you have to overdo it and say everything’s amazing, you’re a miracle, whatever you’ve achieved is incredible. You don’t have to praise everything, but when someone changes their behavior, and that gets seen, it has an effect. The father was happy, the student was happy, I was happy, because that’s wonderful. And I think it’s important that everyone pulls in the same direction, and yes, that the kids notice that something is actually changing for them because of it. And children, and teenagers, are very, very, very smart. That doesn’t mean adults are stupid. And unfortunately we slowly — sorry, sorry, yes I — then let’s wrap up, sorry, you know, I’m an old chatterbox. Yes, that’s what I wanted to say, and thank you for listening. Sorry, sorry.
Yes, I’d like to give Sabine the chance to bring in her contribution too, and then we can go straight into the closing round. Sabine, feel free to combine your closing word with that too. And then let’s go backward today — Sabine, Marc, Sonja, Layla, in that order for the closing round.
I’ll gladly do that. Sorry, about the school thing — we’re back on the topic of school again. Layla, you’re completely right, but in Germany it’s often the case — I stopped going to parent-teacher conferences after a teacher once said to me, what do you even want, everything’s fine with your son. And that’s what I mean, because overall we often only hear something about our kids when something’s not going well. We have to show up because there’s a parent-teacher meeting. And this automated thing, quarterly, not every six months but every quarter, getting brief feedback — I can also talk to my son about it that way. I’m involved, I found that really great. So I found it good. But well, maybe I’m just involved in a way that’s not too complicated. And I have to say, the teacher does have to think about every single child in that moment. There’s more written in the grade shortcut than in my sentence about a child too. Good, but I wanted to say one more thing about Marc and GTD, and for you a bit more — I now do the “good plan” on a smaller scale. At first I had it big, wanted to write a whole page over the course of the day, and in the end that was too much. Now I have a small column, and in the evening before I go to bed I like to fill that in below. Though I do have a question about that, we don’t need to go into it now, but I’m supposed to write three things I’m grateful for and three successes. I don’t always manage that, but for me gratitude and success always kind of blend into one another — I haven’t quite figured that out yet. And I also write down three things for the next morning that I say I definitely want to get done the next day. That way I’m at least a bit more organized. Now I wanted to say what I particularly liked today — everything, but especially this moving-toward and moving-away-from thing again, I find that really great. I wish you all a lovely day.
Yes, wonderful, thank you so much. We can gladly pick that up again tomorrow too, this aspect of three things you’re grateful for, three successes, and so on — tomorrow we’ll be talking about insight and readiness for change, and that fits in beautifully there too. So if you’re joining tomorrow, we can happily use that as a bridge into the topic. Marc.
I’ll shout out to everyone — just one more room with you all. And I’ll get the winter tires done today, because I’ve come to the insight that the 20 minutes I’d otherwise sit around uselessly waiting still cost me 400 to 800 euros if I don’t do it. I wish you all a great day.
Wonderful, thank you so much. Sonja?
Today’s exchange gave me another insight — that personal development isn’t just professionally interesting to me, but that I notice I’ve genuinely enjoyed practicing it on myself for years, and I keep being happy whenever there are new aspects I get to look at and discover that I hadn’t noticed before, even though I think I always look very closely. And then I still discover something and can learn something new. And that’s just really lovely. And it works best through resonance, through exchange with others. And I want to keep doing that. Humans are simply social beings. And I really love being together with you all in this room, in this exchange, because they’re just great impulses, and it doesn’t just move me, it really motivates me and pushes me forward. Thank you.
Yes, wonderful, thank you so much. Layla, go ahead, briefly.
So, very briefly. I’ve learned that I like your way of leading the conversation, because it’s appreciative and purposeful. And Johann Wolfgang Goethe once said, the idea is almost always a parody, the experience is almost always the parody of the idea. And so that this isn’t the case, you can also look inward and check again how you communicate with purpose. I’ll try to do that even better tomorrow. Thanks for listening.
Yes, wonderful, thank you so much. And I’m really looking forward to tomorrow’s room, because we already have several aspects here that we can pick back up on, especially looking at it from the perspective of readiness for change. So readiness for change and insight — how does that all connect? Adaptability, willingness to adapt, and so on — those are all aspects we can bring in here too. And with that, you’re all very warmly invited to join again tomorrow, when we continue the topic at 8am. Until then, ciao!
