This week, our co-moderator Mona Tenjo managed to draw a new connection to the topic of values that gave our Deep Talk Club room a breathtaking direction: we explored the question of which values count among our top values, and reflected live on how they might have come about, rather than talking about (our) values in a general, abstract way. Because similar to the leisure activities that shape us, it’s often key experiences that cause values to form and that keep getting reinforced with every further experience.
This question took us back to a time of early childhood memories, for some even back to the embryonic phase — the pregnancy. Topics like “was I a wanted or planned child” or “did my parents consider a termination” don’t pass us by without leaving a trace. Losses like sibling or twin children, no matter when they happened and whether we already knew about them as a child or only found out years later, move us — sometimes even without us being aware of how much they move us.
I myself had a traumatic experience as a child. To this day, I have no accessible memories of a span of several years. I remember the before and after, but what lies in between is hidden. For many years I thought it probably wasn’t that bad for me, since it was as if erased. It took a long process of reflection to bring me the insight that was groundbreaking for me: I had experienced the situation far worse than I was ever aware of. The images are still not accessible to me, but today I know where I draw my energy and strength from, where this endurance comes from, and everything I have done and still do in life fits together with this insight like puzzle pieces. It wasn’t just a key experience, it’s my common thread.
Regardless of how painful it was, looking back today I’m very grateful for it. Because thanks to this experience, I AM.
Use this impulse to reflect on it yourself:
What are your top values? When and how might they have come about? Are there key moments from your childhood that you remember? To what extent did they move you, and how might they connect with your top values? What insights can you draw from that for yourself?
Take a conscious look at your memories and experiences. They often carry meaning and impact. Conflicting values may have formed too, standing in conflict with one another. Or you might discover patterns that trace back to key childhood experiences. Find out which parts are useful or hindering for you, and make a course correction where needed. Because change is so much more fun when you shape it proactively. Remember: Pioneering Spirit – you state the direction of the change!
Be there live when we reflect on topics like this every day on Clubhouse, and feel free to jump in actively too. Here’s the link to the Deep Talk Club on Clubhouse.
© Image: EtiAmmos – stock.adobe.com
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